Diary of Jane
by Mairiposa
Summary: Zutara songfic, based on Zuko watching and falling for Katara as he Chases the gaang. Based on Breaking Benjamin's song "Diary of Jane"


If I had to

I would put myself right beside you

So let me ask

Would you like that?

Would you like that?

Zuko stared at the waterbender, captivated. His hands rested on the large tree which he hid behind, almost pulled himself into, so as not to alert her to his presence. His eyes closed slowly as he listened to her controlled breathing, listen to toe way she moved with such grace through her element. Water. The complete opposite of his element, Fire. Like he was the complete opposite of her. The way his temper flared and the way she so lovingly cared for her brother and young friends. But he couldn't do anything now. And he knew it.

And I don't mind

If you say this love is the last time

So now I'll ask

Do you like that?

Do you like that?

Did she like the way that the water moved within her heart, just as the fire consumed his. Did she grin and shiver when the water would caress her fingers? Because when he held fire in his palm, he did the same. He watched her amazingly blue eyes open wide with wonder as she took in the way the water moved to her will. He loved watching her, a taboo way to pass the time until Zuko was prepared to capture the Avatar, a time that would surely come very soon. Zuko gritted his teeth at the idea of causing her pain. But she had no idea what the word pain meant. He did, and the evidence was written all over his face. He had to. He must.

No!

Something's getting in the way.

Something's just about to break.

I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

So tell me how it should be.

Those blue eyes seemed to stare into his soul whenever he looked into them. Which had only been times when she was glaring at him with all the hate in the world. And yet… they struck a chord with him, they pierced him. And they stood in the way. In the way of him returning to his family and regaining his rightful place as crown prince of the Fire nation. They stood in the way of his father embracing him, and welcoming him home. They stood in the way of what seemed to be Zuko's destiny.

Try to find out what makes you tick.

As I lie down

Sore and sick.

Do you like that?

Do you like that?

Zuko wanted to know her, to know her as no one else did. But he knew that it was impossible for that to happen. It was against all the laws of nature. Fire couldn't know water, only be extinguished by it. And so Zuko learned about the only part of her that he held, her mothers necklace. He memorized the smooth fabric and the rough carving. He wanted to know what it meant to her, why she wore it. And why she touched her neck, her fingers searching for it. But he couldn't. And the very way his brain rejected any idea of him knowing her and how his heart embraced it, held onto, made him sick with longing and despair. Zuko growled, deep in his throat, and went onto the deck of the ship to burn something.

There's a fine line between love and hate.

And I don't mind.

Just let me say that

I like that

I like that

He loved and hated her. For what she did to him, the way she effected him. He hated that. And loved it. The way his fire burned hotter, burned brighter when he thought of her. And the way that his felt physically ill whenever he though of harming her. And knowing that he had to. He relished in the idea of returning to his country, proud and victorious. But at what cost. What would be the cost? Would it be her? His heart contracted with he idea of her being close to him, but so far away in a prison cell. He looked down at his fingers as they ignited with fire, and flicked them around, fascinated with the way that it never burned him to play with his own fire.

As I burn another page,

As I look the other way.

I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

So tell me how it should be.

In another world, a more just world, he could have her and she would love him. He wouldn't have to watch her flirt and play around with thugs like Jet. He hated her for not knowing him, for not knowing what she ment to him. He forced himself to bend, stretching his taunt muscles as he prepared to practice his bending by dueling with a member of his crew. He had to burn something, to destroy something. Zuko bit down the urge to scream at the incompetent opponent when he did not show up on time, and instead chose to take his anger out through fire. Through flame, burning bright.

Desperate, I will crawl

Waiting for so long

No love, there is no love.

Die for anyone

What have I become?

Zuko had known what would happen. He had known all along that he couldn't ever be close to her. So why had he let his heart hope that it might someday beat in a rhythm intertwined with her own. He wanted to die, to burn right then and there as he watched cry for her dead friend. He couldn't love her. Because she would never love him. It was never meant to be. And yet, at night, in his dreams, it almost seemed like it was possible, that there was the slightest chance that he could hold her. He was reaching through the dark, reaching for her. But when he awoke, she was never there. It was only Zuko. Zuko with a broken heart.

Something's getting in the way.

Something's just about to break.

I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

As I burn another page,

As I look the other way.

I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.


End file.
